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Why is The Beaverton so obsessed with the penis of Conservatives?

Sam Oosterhoff, a student at Brock University was 19 years old when he became a Conservative MPP in Ontario, representing the Niagara West-Glanbrook riding.

There had been attempts to label him homophobic because he shared concerns about Bill 28, which streamlined the process for gay and lesbian parents to have children. He tweeted:

Bill 28 a poorly written piece of legislation, and disrespectful to mothers and fathers. Reasonable #PCPO amendment ignored by @OntLiberal.”

So I assume that was the go-ahead for boner jokes for the erudite, satirical The Beaverton, a Canadian news satire series which features news stories and editorial pieces whose structure and layout mirror those of conventional news but whose content is contorted to make humourous commentary on Canadian and world Issues. Here are three of the “creators:” Jeff Detsky; Luke Gordon; Alexander Saxton.

And here is the contorted content by creator Luke Gordon to make humourous commentary about MPP Oosterhoff:

Newly elected MPP Sam Oosterhoff suffered his first political embarrassment this morning when was unable to hide his spontaneous erection while giving his first speech in the legislature… Although he shielded his chub from the honourable members by covering his crotch with the ‘welcome to parliament’ binder he had just gotten, it was not long before his colleagues noticed… the newly nicknamed Bonerhoff was unable to complete his speech and instead ran out of the house, an unfortunate act as this only drew more attention to the new member’s member. He was finally forced to pause and tuck the still rock hard penis into the waistband of his pants before continuing on.

Let us remember he was all of 19 and the youngest MPP ever. And the “writers” at The Beaverton thought that attacking his opinion with their locker room repartée about his male body parts was a great way to share their Progressive world views on parenting and language. Hahahaha…

If the 19 year old MPP had been Mohamed, a Muslim student at York University, would The Beaverton have attacked him for his homophobic views? (I suggest it would be a fair assumption that he would have been against Bill 28, unless otherwise stated, as homosexuality is condemned in Islam).

If the 19 year old had been black and was against a bill that the Progressives clearly loved, what satirical tidbit would The Beaverton have shared with us about his boner?

But the penis seems to be a winner at The Beaverton.

They returned to the penis theme with a satire on Ezra Levant by “creator” Jeff Detsky: “Why is he the world’s biggest dick, despite having the world’s smallest penis?” Which I suppose is funnier than “Ezra Levant is such a fuckface” or “We will also explore the rumours that Levant wears adult diapers because he was never potty trained; whether or not he currently has a hamster stuck in his rectum; and expose the cover-up of evidence that he once had sex with a pig carcass to completion.

You may ask why I am writing about The Beaverton and their penchant for penises. Because I am a proud Canadian. I remember Wayne and Shuster; Mike Myers; Rick Mercer; Russell Peters; Mary Walsh; Martin Short; John Candy, Catherine O’Hara…get the point?

And I remember the days when we shared differences of opinion respectfully and humourously.

I have a terrific sense of humour. After all, laughter is God’s music.

But this? This is shameful and beneath Canadians. We can and must do better than toilet humour. If satire and humour calls for circling a penis then I suggest that The Beaverton is one flush away from circling that toilet.

Let’s collectively flush!

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About Diane Weber Bederman

Diane Weber Bederman
Diane Weber Bederman is a multi-faith, hospital trained chaplain who lives in Ontario, Canada, just outside Toronto; She has a background in science and the humanities and writes about religion in the public square and mental illness on her blog: The Middle Ground:The Agora of the 21st Century. She is a regular contributor to Convivium: Faith in our Community. " Diane Weber Bederman is the author of the book "Back to the Ethic:Reclaiming Western Values" ( copyright

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